Tame

Lately I’ve been feeling heavier, getting out of bed is something I have to talk over each morning, a conscious decision, wrestling with my thoughts, but also just a mood to be pushed past.

“Yes, I see you there. You matter, but I don’t know what to do with you! So let me go by you, as I rise from my bed, come with me or stay right here but my life will go on… thank you.”

Then I pull on some clothes and walk into my day. Usually it’s coffee on, morning meds, and writing out my Bible, on a good day I’ve gotten up early enough that I can even do a little praying. What does that look like? Laying on the couch, lights dim, and speak out loud to God, ignoring how awkward it feels, most times I fall asleep – in and out of sleep – and this last time I noticed my heart has calmed, and that one that was there when I awoke isn’t there anymore. I find myself bringing my burdens to God like a child who’s found that his Daddy can fix all his broken toys… one by one I bring them to him. Laying down, letting go…

One anxiety always present each morning is what will become of my son. He’s Autistic, adult, whose many faults include being content with where he is at, God Bless him ❤️

Well, I’ve been accessing various local agencies that can come alongside our family to help his pushing past where contentment needs to yield to growth, and properly planning for future realities. We’re at the stage where he has a fellow who will personally explore his potential, whom we met recently.

Driving my son to work, Mom in the back seat, along for the ride, I asked him to describe this fellow to his Mom, who wasn’t there at that meeting, and so hasn’t met him yet.

“Tame, timid, and keeps to himself” I asked him tell me more about that. “He doesn’t talk about all his own secrets…”

I’ll just muse in that moment for now, Talk to you later… if you click on muse there, it’ll take you to my mode of writing, and an assignment for you, if you’re willing.

🩵