Baby Steps…

Relax… its a chinese character… it means Rain

What’s the full history of my cousin Katie?

I was introduced to Katie by Katie… she looked me up, and we’ve been in contact, on and off ever since. I don’t even know just how many years now, but its been over 25 years.

Her father is my Dad’s youngest brother. Both have gone on from this life to the next.

I feel the need to get down on paper what’s just happened. More can come later about previous steps to now.

Her dream of the world she wants to live in, in her heart. She sees it there, and she’s been looking around for it; has been very creative, and bold, daring even in her exploration. No rock unturned is an expression that comes to mind. Think of someone exploring a beach. My brothers and I… learned that crabs live under rocks, and when the tide goes out, the rocks are there, and if you run around to them, and turn them over, a little crab is exposed, and scurries away as soon as the light of day hits them. No rock unturned.

She was at Jane’s house, and Jane’s context was working. But the employment wasn’t. The Tourism/hospitality industry… she’d had yet another unsatisfying experience, and instead of looking for a job of more of the same, she dreamt of living in a communal place, where she could live off the land, and be close to the wild world, if not indeed be out in the wild.

Fast forward to her moving out of Jane’s place, loading up a Uhaul van with the possessions remaining from her most recent cull, she departed with the help of friends for Cortes Island, two Ferry rides away from Vancouver Island.

A farm share program – Blue Jay Lake Farm – where she was to have lived in her own cabin, sharing communal meals, shower facilities, and milking cows, and picking weeds in the garden.

On arrival she soon found herself estranged from the property owner. And within a few days, he decided they weren’t a good fit, and that she should leave. That happened on Thursday March 13, 2025.

Panic.

She called me yesterday, Saturday March 15 at 3:oo pm. She was near to tears, and as she poured out her heart, the tears did come.

Self doubt came a courtin’ . . . she needed to get some self confidence back, in order to re-group, and alas, begin again. She hadn’t completely drained her resources, she had some money saved still. Frugal.

On Friday the 14th there was a community camp fire, and there were lots of people around. Her networking abilities came into play, and she soon heard about alternatives like nearby Linnaea Farm, about the local Coop Grocer… but most interestingly, she heard that the proprietor, lets call him Henry, had reacted similarly to other dynamic women is the term one man used. From my own experience Katie manages her mental health in various ways, and one of them is by having strong boundaries. You’re never left wondering, she’ll let you know the rules of interacting with her.

Rule #1

Don’t ask her “How are you?”

You can ask her why, but I know for myself that it is usually a trite, meaningless part of conversation. I put up with it. I’ll say “fine” because I’ve learned that folks that ask it aren’t usually looking for an update on my life story. Nor do they want to hear anything short of “absolutely fantastic”.

I think maybe Katie doesn’t like any falsehood, so she simply asks folks to not ask the question.

But there’s also another value here. To cast one’s mind onto measuring the current temperature of one’s own navel, is an introspection which can suck you under.

Best to venture into her garden, after waiting for her to engage you. Respond to how she’s reached out.

I have become more and more relaxed, and more and more ME as time has gone along.

After conversation has begun, you’ll soon ‘hear‘ how she’s doing.

But… I digress…

So where were we, oh yes, Katie.

She and I – independent of one another – discovered Jack Reacher novels. In her case my Uncle David, her father, read them, and left a collection of them behind when he passed away. In my case, I’m not quite sure…. it might have been some reading available at one of the homes Andrew or Glenn stayed at in their travels. One of Jack Reacher’s rules is to “stay alive in the here and now, get to the end of today” I gotta find an exact quote for y’all. But its usually when he’s in a situation of immediate danger. Get through the immediate situation, then think about the long term. Eliminate or evade the immediate threat.

Another book that came to mind as I interacted with her was “One Day In The Life of Ivan Denisovich” by Alexander Solzhenitsyn. The plot of the that applies to all of our contexts is, that none of us in the world by our own choosing. Neither are we in control of our context. In Ivan’s case, he is a fictional character. But its historical fiction. The context is true, and he is a sort of hybrid of many folks, one of which is Solzhenitsyn himself, who was – like Ivan – wrongfully imprisoned. Falsely charged with treason by the Soviet power, and sentenced to 25 years in a Siberian prison camp. He has to make his peace with the immediate environment. He has to survive in a dog-eat-dog environment, without becoming a dog! He manages to retain his integrity, looks out for those less gifted and/or fortunate than himself, align himself with other good folks, come under the mutual shelter of authority figures according to what they deserve. I’ll stop now trying to re-write the book. LOL. One of the things he is ‘seen doing’ > on his way from here to there, he sees a piece of hacksaw blade in the snow, picks it up, and shoves it into his pocket. His habit, we learn, is to never let such things go! It could be made into a little knife to use when sewing mittens or slippers for some rich prisoner, in exchange for rubles. In turn he could use the rubles for tobacco, bought from other prisoners. The whole commerce of the camp is explained, so go read the book, LOL.

Katie is just like Ivan in so many ways. She remains kind, though often treated unkind. Your own penalty if you treat her badly is that she won’t be around you anymore, or will limit her interaction with you. Which will be your loss, not hers.

So… back to the immediate story here, Katie after the camp fire, on Saturday as she poured her heart out to me. She let me experience the raw panic she was feeling. She was in her cabin, with her cat, and her phone, reaching out to the her supports. I’m honored to have been one of those. She likes to talk things over with me. We unload all the thoughts onto the kitchen table and talk about them. The decisions are for her to make, as I listen and reflect. A process I don’t quite understand, but I know I’m good at it. Its listening, and responding, and reflecting back what she seems to be saying, for her to fine tune, or reiterate. The hope in my heart is always, “don’t give up”.

So… enough of theory for now, she and I parted Saturday night at 9:00 pm, with the promise from me that I’d call Linnaea Farm in the morning, when they open at 9:00 am. I did so, but I also messaged her… and no response, and no “read” receipt, just a “delivered” receipt… worry set in immediately. I didn’t like it! My turn to panic. The unpredictable world she’s in! I thought about calling Henry! I thought about calling the RCMP! and I waffled… and she finally got back to me 40 minutes later. I gently scolder her by sending her a picture of a cat in a veterinarian’s cage. She loves cats. “See what you’ve caused to have happened to a cat?” is the underlaying message LOL.

So… she let me know she was in her meditation phase of morning processes. And she’d run across Zaeya and Lucas, who had reassured her. Henry had told her the night before that Katie isn’t welcome there, and that nobody likes her. They loved her, they reassured. They also said he’s done this to other women. That its more about HIM not her. A personality clash. By this time we were on an audio-call once again, and she had to go because Zaeya was at the door. Soon after she called me back.

Florence, one of the lady’s that had previously experienced exactly the same thing from Henry, was now at this Linnaea Farm, 2-3 km away, and worked at the Coop. She is at the Coop today – Sunday March 16 – and Zaeya had emailed her, texted her, and finally talked on the phone with her. Florence was looking forward to Katie stopping by. Katie has a bike. Her cat, and her belonging’s would be safe while she rode out to confide and align with others.

Its breathtaking. I boldly told Katie, once again, that God is looking after her. That the place she goes to in her heart, is where she speaks with herself, but that God himself is there as well, speaking encouragement and wisdom. That he doesn’t mind being called by another name, he is her child… he is a gentle lover.

I reminded her of our love, of my love for her. Of how precious she is, and how wonderful it is that she shared this trip to the valley of doubt and panic, and back up into the meadow.