The following is a conversation between myself and ChatGPT. Started May 25, 2026. My prompts are in the pull quotes, and then ChatGPT’s responses.
Laurence
A ship driven by ghosts
pirates*
External steering
ChatGPT >
What’s showing up for you right now that you’d like to explore together?
“A ship driven by ghosts — external steering” feels like a powerful image for being moved by old voices, old wounds, old fears, or old expectations.
Maybe the question is:
Who is holding the wheel right now?
Not “what am I feeling?” but:
Is this me choosing from my values — or am I being steered by ghosts?
I am persevering in my prayer for someone… I realize what I am taking a stand against is external navigation as opposed to internal, and more specifically,
John 1:12… guidance from the Father
John 15, each of us abides in him
Romans 14:4
Who are you to judge another’s servant? To his own master he stands or falls. Indeed, he will be made to stand, for God is able to make him stand. NKJV
ChatGPT >
You’re tracing a thread that runs through all three passages:
In Gospel of John 1:12, there is the invitation to become a child of God — not merely conform outwardly, but receive life from a new source.
In Gospel of John 15, abiding is relational dependence. The branch is not externally wired and controlled; it lives by connection to the vine itself.
And in Epistle to the Romans 14:4:
“Who are you to judge someone else’s servant? To their own master, servants stand or fall.”
Paul seems to protect something sacred there:
the direct relationship between a person and God.
Not isolation.
Not rebellion.
But an inward accountability before the Father.
Your phrase “external navigation” versus “internal” feels important. External navigation can look like:
pressure, image management, fear of displeasing people, group identity replacing conscience, compliance without inward conviction.
But the New Testament repeatedly points toward something deeper:
the law written on the heart, the Spirit leading, abiding, conscience, becoming, standing before one Master.
That does not mean “everyone is automatically right.” Paul still exhorts, corrects, warns. But he also refuses to seize the steering wheel of another soul.
That tension matters.
Because one subtle temptation when we love someone deeply is to begin fighting for control “for their own good.” And sometimes the most difficult form of love is refusing to externally steer while still clearly witnessing to what we believe is true.
You seem to be trying to hold that line:
not surrendering your convictions, not pretending harmful dynamics are healthy, while also recognizing that Clint is not ultimately your servant.
There’s humility in that posture.
And perhaps also grief.
Because when you stop trying to externally navigate someone, you lose the illusion of immediate control. Prayer then becomes less like gripping the rudder and more like entrusting someone to waters deeper than your reach.
The image that comes to mind is not a man forcing a ship into harbor, but a lighthouse:
steady,
visible,
rooted,
not chasing the vessel,
not steering it,
yet faithfully shining.
Laurence
ChatGPT >
Here’s the page you shared:
There’s something striking about you bringing this alongside what you were just reflecting on.
Vimy Ridge is often remembered not just as a military victory, but as a moment where soldiers had to act with internalized understanding, not just external आदेश. The Canadian forces succeeded in part because:
soldiers were trained to understand the why, not just obey commands, initiative at the individual level mattered, leadership wasn’t just top-down control—it was distributed.
That echoes what you were naming:
external steering vs. internal guidance.
In a way, “external navigation” can win short-term compliance—but it often breaks down under pressure.
“Internalized direction” (whether in soldiers or in faith) is what holds when no one is watching, when chaos hits, when decisions become personal.
Connecting that back to your earlier thread:
Gospel of John 15 → abiding produces life from within, not imposed behavior Epistle to the Romans 14 → each stands before their own Master And what you’re praying for Clint… isn’t just changed behavior, but changed source of guidance
Maybe the deeper prayer underneath all of this is something like:
“Not that he would be steered better from the outside…
but that he would come alive to the voice within that comes from the Father.”
That’s a very different kind of hope.
Slower. Less controllable. But ultimately more real.
What part of that Vimy story stood out to you most?
Laurence
Interesting that you used आदेश a Hindi word here 🤔
Good catch 😄 — that slipped in unintentionally.
“आदेश (ādeś)” means “command” or “order,” which actually fits the contrast we were talking about—but I should’ve just said it plainly in English.
Still, it accidentally highlights something interesting:
There’s a difference between:
commands given from the outside (orders, pressure, नियंत्रण), and guidance that’s received inwardly (abiding, relationship, Spirit-led)
And that’s exactly the line you’ve been drawing.
So even though the word choice was accidental, it kind of reinforces your point:
External आदेश → compliance
Internal abiding → transformation
Your instinct there is sharp
Selah
Letters to Nicholas
- Simple post card>
- In a book set aside for thoughts to him in his absence.
May 2, 2026
Nicholas;
Hello, young man, whom I love with all my heart. But before I begin, I must say some things.
Where are ya right now? On this actual day, May 2, 2026? I don’t know.
But if ya are now reading this indeed, where am I right now? I do not know that, either.
But here is my heart of love for ya. The reassurance ya just might need right now. I cannot reach ya, though I recently tried. Twice through a wellness check given by the RCMP & UBC Police detachment. And an email that I sent to two email addresses that I had for ya (have actually LOL! it’s gonna be hard speaking in past future tense)
- nicholasbdurham@gmail.com
- nbdurham@ece.ubc.ca
HOPE
Nicholas;
Please don’t misunderstand. I continue to give ya space as requested.
Please read Philippians 3:1–14
I pray for ya all the time, and this is the scripture that has been impressed on me.
Philippians 3:12 NIV
“Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already arrived at my goal, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me.”
Ask God about to teach ya about this.
Jesus promised John 14:26.
Dad.
Why am I writing this?
Hamster wheel. Thoughts keep going through my mind, like echoes from a deep well. If ya were to stand over a well and leaned in, and heard a human voice echoing therein…
…my experience is that when I write those thoughts down, and like water, they run out onto the page, the other words follow.
Ya are poetic. Ya love lyrics as much as I do. It is in our DNA. Ya are my son ❤️
You’re also a smart young man, with a love for the concrete black and white world of science.
God started the school of science, yeah? Genesis 2:19–20
I learned way back in a class called organic chemistry, how nylon is made. Our teacher told us, and then he showed us.
- Two chemicals, both clear.
- A beaker.
- A wire with a hook on one end of it.
- Gloves, etc.
He set this up with the few of us — it was a small class — looking intently at what he was doing.
He poured into the beaker a small amount of the first clear chemical, and then, tilting the beaker to the side, he poured the second chemical in also.
Observations:
- Both chemicals were clear, but at the interface we could see a glistening separation.
- He inserted the wire, hook first, into the beaker and gently lifted it out again after taking hold of the substance that had formed at the interface, and as he did, the interface could still be seen, but now a thread was seen being pulled out as though out-of-nowhere.
- This thread was nylon.
He used this to solidify our understanding of things like equilibrium, where at the interface the molecules of chemical A were interacting with, and being rearranged with, the molecules of chemical B. Equally coming out and going back into the 3rd substance, NYLON, that had been created by putting these things together…
As he pulled the thread became longer and longer.
He explained that in the nylon factory they set up a similar situation, and the thread is pulled through a water bath, and along pulleys (I suppose) to a spool that readily collects the thread. I’m lossy on the details, but I conjecture the thread would be somehow dried before being wound onto the spool.
God’s poetry.
Today as I prayed for ya, I once again was being pummeled by the incessant thoughts of regret that are prefaced with “if only.”
It brings to mind the verses in Revelation 12:10–12, “the accuser of our brothers”…
…but they overcame him by the BLOOD of the LAMB — Jesus paid the penalty for all our “if only,” all our sins — 1 John 1:9; 1 Thessalonians 5:23–24; Psalm 139:23–24
and by word of their testimony; they did not love their lives so much as to shrink from death.
…what is the significance of these verses, this passage, being stated in the plural? Things to ponder.
And then another interface, another set of words, see them now as the wheel, the hamster, as he runs inside of it… with all of that effort, surely some result? Yes, wind, noise, muscle development, all the internal workings of the trapped mouse…
2 Timothy 2:22–26
“…gently instructed, in the hope that God will grant them repentance leading to a knowledge of the truth, and that they will come to their senses and escape from the trap of the devil, who has taken them captive to do his will.”
“WHY” is the music/lyric of what that wheel sings…
“The secret things belong to the LORD our God, but the things revealed belong to us and to our children forever, that we may follow all the words of this law.” — Deuteronomy 29:29
As I was praying for ya, it was as always, while I was going about my daily routine. Today, May 2, 2026, I was writing out the Bible.
I began with the goal of writing out the whole, starting in September of 2024. I’d fallen into the habit of writing out scripture by happy accident.
I had wanted to write out the book of John’s Gospel for your brother, my son JAMIE (Hello Jamie) about 10–15 years ago.
- I bought a little journal type book
- same pens etc
- I began
Objective was to have a neatly legible copied Book of John’s Gospel. I recalled that the chapter and verse numbers were later in place, around the 1500’s some time, and so I would leave those out largely, so that we’d have in the end, a book that could be read from cover to cover. Paragraphs and sentences…
Not needing to be recalled, but at that time I’d read, studied, meditated on the Gospel according to John my whole life. I was in my 50’s maybe?
I say this because there was an unexpected substance formed at the interface…
I thought I’d extracted all that could be extracted — yes, painfully, true, I thought I “knew it all.”
Gently God, by his Spirit, showed me that the thread is eternal, that is pulled from the interface of the Most Holy God, and this man that I am — saved by GRACE.
Jesus Christ himself removed the dividing wall, and I am in his presence, God the Father’s, in and through our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ.
Analogy’s and word pictures kind of trail off after bringing us into the room of what we are being enlightened about through them.
Another scripture is coming to my mind:
“There, above the cover between the two cherubim that are over the ark of the covenant law, I will meet with you and give you all my commands for the Israelites.” — Exodus 25:22
That habit? When I finished, I gave it as a present to my son. I wrote out John’s Gospel 2–3 more times more, giving them away… and then, yes, each time the thread continued to be pulled from the interface. That spool? John 14:26… like data stored on the hard drive, SSD? of my soul, the Holy Spirit brings to me…
I look it up, I always look up the actual reference when a scripture comes to mind… and there is more thread formed, the living word of God, the fountain of living water that the Holy Spirit flows from?
See John 7:37–39 John 20:19–23 John 4:10–14
I moved on to other books, and blessed, and there always seemed to be someone to give the books written to. I love it, and love it; the only thing I didn’t look forward to was: “what next?” Then I realized!
So… I bought at STAPLES (product placement LOL! it’s my favorite store!) a journal x 3–4 of a standard 8×11 size, that has plain black hard cover. A blue, black, red pens, white out, and a PEN FOR THE DATE, so as ya might have guessed, I began writing out the whole Bible, which eliminated needing to choose, and of course when I am done, I will begin again, perhaps a different version of the Bible.
(Advice learned from “How To Read The Bible For All Its Worth” — to read in one translation, and consult 3–4 others for meditation.)
But back to what I began to talk about a few paragraphs back — page 11 I see — so today as I turned the page, I saw Deuteronomy 29:29 neatly underlined! What a gift for me!
I wrote out a “picture” that came to mind quite some time ago. I think in pictures, and as I describe them in my writing, it is a sort of translating from that poorly described “picture.” I mean, it isn’t a video, or vision, or anything earth shattering earth quake; it’s just as I describe. If I haven’t exhausted the metaphor… it’s yet another interface from which a thread, a story, is pulled.
I’ll turn this book upside down and write it in the back. *THE MOST DANGEROUS VERSION*
This has been such a case of obedience today… to start pulling on that thread at the interface of ya and I, my precious son, Nicholas.
What I am writing is for ya. Ya are my muse. But like living water to share with others does not deplete it, nor diminish it, I can also share it.
It is indeed THE WORD of MY testimony. God’s word to me of encouragement & forgiveness. I will say it now, and then again… I am sorry. Forgive me Lord. I was like the woman described in Proverbs 5:6:
“She gives no thought to the way of life; her paths wander aimlessly, but she does not know it.”
The damage done to all those that “passed through my hands” is a great regret. Yet I know my “awareness” is not condemnation, but evidence that I am being rejuvenated, renewed. Romans 8:1–17… there is no condemnation.
I have some peace now. Maybe this will be a letter to more than one person?
God’s grace & presence as I ponder the love in my heart for ya. Is the forgiveness in my heart toward ya. It hurts just now for ya to be away from, and the remembrance of bitter words, but that part is easy for me. Freely you have received. Matthew 10:5–8 Freely give. Romans 2:1–4 Matthew 7:1–6
…to find forgiveness toward you is so easy when I stand it beside my own shortcomings!
Running Down Vimy 