“Just answer the question”, I can hear my friend Kole saying.
But, “Who are you?” Is a big question. I’ve been trying to find the answer to that question my whole life.
I’m afraid that my answer will lead you to run away, before we’ve even begun.
There is no single label for me, other than Laurence 🙂 but I am not who I am without my Love, Cheryl ❤️
I recently wrote a letter to my grandkids about me at their age(s)
A great way to get to know a person is through the books they read! Here’s me and books!
One thing I determined to do differently than my father was to have friends. And something that didn’t come easily to me was to have male friends. Relating to girls has never been hard for me. In grade 9, my three best friends were girls, Connie, Lori, and Joan. I just couldn’t relate to guys. This was at least partially due to my relationship with each of my parents. My Mum was a talker, I take after her in this way. My last letter to her tells that story > click here <
My friend, Art, would smile at that last sentence. I wonder what my friend, Robertmight say.
As I try to express in words what’s going on in my heart, I sometimes end up using abstract language, whether when I’m writing, or speaking. The listener must make the choice, to either take some time to understand me, or walk away.
I used to worry a lot about the ones who walk away, but after chasing them down and becoming a person I supposed they wanted me to be, I was miserable. Those who walk away just aren’t ready for me yet. Nor am I ready for them.
Writing is my refuge, it’s where I go while waiting for true kin to enter my life. It’s been a case of understanding me better.
So, I find myself wresting with calling myself anything in particular.
I am one who learns through writing; for that is how I have come to understand myself, my Faith, and the world around me, through writing.
I could also call myself a reader, but that can be misleading since I prefer LISTENING to audiobooks, sermons, videos and movies. So, I am a listen and watcher.
I am also a talker.
I am a People watcher. My job allows me to “people watch” while taking them from A to B.
Abraham Maslow described two ways to do this,
B-cognition and D-cognition
I’d love to try and explain this, but he took a whole book to do so, “Towards a Psychology of Being”
F Scott Fitzgerald’s character in The Great Gatsby, Nick Carraway, is said to be the one who represents the unbiased perception of the world in the 1920’s. He is also the narrative voice of the book.
B-cognition is unbiased perception.
Maslow points out that none of us in complete control of how we cognize others. D is for deficiency and so D-cognition. It’s about seeing others according to my fear or my need, I’m either threatened by you, or I need something that you have or can give me.
As for me being a poet, I can safely say that after having have read the poetry of Leonard Cohen, or TS Elliot, Robert Frost, or Robert W Service
I have found myself comforted. I somehow I understand myself more, My SELF, I mean. I am more able to understand my own way of communicating, by musing and pondering theirs. Even when I think I’m being plain and straightforward, the face of my listener is sometimes puzzled, bored, or lost. But at other times, my listener’s face shows an eager desire to respond, and interact, they describe their own heart to me. We are communicating, heart to heart.
Here I am:
I’m about 58 years old
I’ve been a bus driver, in a big city, for over 30 years. My decision to remain merely a bus driver has been on purpose. As opposed to passive. I feel it’s the best way for to inspire others, I hope to tell some of those stories here. Like this one, about a newly hired driver.
My first marriage ended in divorce after 12 years, but gave me 4 children, and 7 grand children.
My second marriage has lasted 21 years so far, and we have a son.
My youngest son is now 20, is my favourite poet. He has this diagnosis: “Autistic Spectrum Disorder” but it’s a designation that merely begins to help to understand who he is. I have a resistance to labels. They can be lazy, hurtful things.
And then there is my kin, I’m the youngest of four boys, and then, seven years after I came along, we were all blessed with a little sister. My Dad went out and bought a pink tie!
I grew up in the Protestant church, and although I’ve attended many over the years it’s here that I resist any label but one: Jesus Christ is my Lord and Saviour. The usual label that comes with this is Christian, but I have trouble with labels. Jesus is my big brother, my hero, my friend. He is the reason I see God as a warm, loving Father who is always there to share a cup of coffee with me, and talk over my thoughts, burdens, and delights. In Psalm 139 David describes this. The God who created me, knew me, and understood me, before I was born. My faith isn’t something to fight an kill for. It’s my tower, my strength, my refuge. My life’s purpose and meaning is wrapped up in Hebrews 11:6
“But without faith it is impossible to please him: for he that cometh to God must believe that he is, and that he is a rewarder of them that diligently seek him” KJV
I long to hear God the father say to me one day, in Glory, “well done”
I know kinship, I know when I am with a person whom I belong with, and comfortable with, at peace with. I know that I long for each of them to be with me in eternity. And I often discuss this with the father, sometimes in tears… and all I ask is that seek him who is so eager to be found. But that effort, that result, that reward is between them and God. My faith is not a vague murky thing. It is deeply personal, and so also is your faith. All I can hope for is that you will search out your own faith, inspired by folks like me, who have found such a pursuit a rewarding comfort.
God is so good. I just reconnected, yet again, with a friend of many, many years. Our first re-connection was after the two of us had been through the process of God’s purifying fire. Hebrews 12 is a good chapter all about that sort of thing. Bruce Mastin has been a real gift from God to me.
Running Down Vimy 