Preface

January 16, 2021

Preface

Am I a writer? or a Speaker?

This book I would write is out of obedience. That sounds so sweet.

I want to be honest, though. I wonder if it’s actually a case of “alright, alright already, I’ll write it, I’ll write it!” Kicking and screaming to the blank pages, to then set down the events of my life!

I have a deep need to write, that much is true. Whether it’s fear, or the daunting size of the task before me, are fair enough questions. But as I honestly ponder, I want you to know, my reader, that I’ve been writing lots. And this business of telling my story effects many, and part of me wants to just forget about it. Indeed, as I’ve written, or come near to writing about this, my heart is overwhelmed, my eyes fill with tears, and I go numb, and my mind, in blank eyed terror, is staring into the eyes of my past experiences. Fear is there. Fear to relive it’s pain.

Which brings us to Today. There’s a capital on that word, ‘Today’, for good reason, for its an allusion to the book of Hebrews. I’ve been drawn to that book of late. For the longest time it was the book of John’s Gospel, but now it is Hebrews. Like the pillar of Cloud that led the way for the Israelites as they marched toward The Promise land, so also is God’s hand hovering over this book, beckoning me to come have a look see. For Hebrews is about Jesus suffering, a forerunner of us who would follow him. And my life’s suffering is undeniable, but equally undeniable is that there was no other way to get to this joyful place I find myself in today. It’s not the quest to find suffering, its a quest to walk in obedience to the calling in my heart. To hone that part of me that listens, my ears, to sharpen my hearing. This is allusion to Hebrews 5:11-14, which I think will come up in this book.

I’m hopelessly poetic. By that I mean, I don’t try to be, it’s a curse, really. I see things in images, and aesthetics. Imagery is poetic, and its also how I can begin to describe what’s going on inside of me. To draw with words the image I see in my mind’s eye. To those of you who are left bewildered by such imagery, I want to assure you that I see no hovering hand with my physical eyes. I am attempting to describe that knowing I have, an intuition. Is it that, or is it God speaking to me, leading me, bidding me? Perhaps you can do as I do, leave the source to be made known after all is written down. For now it’s me, following a hunch.

I’m thankful for my big brothers, John and Andrew, for their ministry in my life. They have shepherded me through reading books that I otherwise might have stayed away from. We had this book club for a while. It seems from observation that God spoke the titles we were to read through my brother Andrew for the most part. Which is fitting, for my whole life with my brother Andrew, he has been my expander, my “urging on to growth” brother. My wide taste in music, Art, and literature is due to his adventuresome spirit. That they came along with me, is further proof of just one thing, their love for me, and mine for them.

Through this freedom learned from them I have dared to read outside of the Bible, and Christian authors, and indeed outside of what might be deemed strictly Evangelical Christian teachers. I learned long ago that I could agree to disagree with what you say or do, while still gaining from knowing you, so also with reading, and listening to points of view not entirely in agreement with my own. Parker Palmer is one such writer, for whom I have great respect, admiration, and am greatly thankful for. Another one is M. Scott Peck, and such greats as Tolstoy, and Dostoyevsky.

But more to this business of intuition and self expression are such as Carl Jung and Abraham Maslow. My impression of them is that they made their observations through careful consideration of their personal experiences in clinical practice. Their theories are such that they were trying to come up with a coherent narrative that explained the events they personally witnessed, or saw over and over again in their patients. I don’t see them as being overtly anti-Christian. They didn’t set out to disprove religion of any kind. I find my only desire would be to go back and time and preach the Gospel to them, to complete the work that God had done in their lives, through their careful observations. I liken them to the Three Wise Men from the East who saw Christ’s birth foretold, and came to worship him. That they went outside of the Biblical narrative to explain what they saw in their clinical practice, is part of who they are as individuals. No malice or sneaky business going on. All that I learn from and through them I hold up the authority of God’s word. God’s word is the truth, and all that would claim to be the truth must be in agreement and/or cooperation with the truth of God’s word. Having said this, I am truly grateful having read the writings of these two, and many others I will mention from time to time. For example, Jung’s definition of intuition has been very beneficial to me.

“The complex integration of large amounts of information” is Jung’s interpretation of intuition. And what I like about it, is that he leaves psychic phenomena out of it. He describes it in terms of the physical world around us. Here is a reference containing this axiomatic statement I’ve just quoted

The third is intuiting. Intuiting is a kind of perception that works outside of the usual conscious processes. It is irrational or perceptual, like sensing, but comes from the complex integration of large amounts of information, rather than simple seeing or hearing. Jung said it was like seeing around corners. Citation

This explained to me why, after being a bus driver for a few years, I could “guess the fare” from two blocks away! If a fellow waiting at a bus stop, was in view, I’d know whether he had a bus pass, coin, or a story, with which to procure his transport. If I attributed such knowledge to God telling me, I would then be forced to wonder for what reason God was telling me. Joan of Arc comes to mind. A calling, the enemy is revealed because I have been appointed to slay the dragon. Attributing knowledge from outside of myself to an external being leads to such notions. But the inate talent of intuition defined in non-extra-terrestial non-psychic terms was a great relief for me.

Because of this I might be tempted to say I know the difference, perhaps, to when it is God who is telling me something, or merely my own intuition. like I’ve just mentioned above. That’s a topic I hope to explore in this book. But suffice it to say for now, that many times I feel as did those two disciples who spoke to Jesus without knowing it was HE, until afterwards when they realized it. “did not our hearts burn within us?” they observed.

In my reading I’ve come across many ideas that confirm simmering theories in my head, or ignite some more simmering. As much as possible I will credit the authors as to the sources of my thoughts. I’ll not intentionally leave out any, if you find any non-credit’d ideas, please let me know! I’m not on a quest to come up with original thought here. I’m on a quest to tell my story. I’m responding in obedience to something that demands to be written. And it is a love hate relationship that I have with this calling. As I’ve already described above. I need to learn what’s going on inside of me, and part of writing this book is to achieve that.

One of the things I read, I believe it was in a collection of articles from Harvard Business Review’s 10 Best “On Managing Yourself”, is about the different types of learners. I have found that I learn by talking out loud, and that I benefit from listening to audiobooks far more than reading a written book. That not only makes me an auditory learner, but also one who learns through the process of putting into words what is going on inside my head. Marion Milner experiences in her writing of her book, “A Life of One’s Own” she describes it as being like a detective laying out the evidence he has uncovered.

I’ve already experienced the emergence of my unconscious into my conscious as I wrote one day. I explored an idea that I had, and as I wrote… well, that’s a tangent I’ll go on later, LOL.

To understand a mind like mine you must necessarily know what it is like to live with the plague of the intuitive mind. Do you know? I’m not sure if I’ll be able to adequately explain it, but I’ll give it a try. By plague I mean some might see it as a talent, others may claim I’m putting on a ruse of some sort. Well, what can I say to such things.

I just wonder, do I have to know why I should write it all down? Or shall I just pursue it?

Do I have to know why you’d be bothered to listen? Maybe not.

Perhaps its just a temptation to “play to the audience”?

“The eye is the lamp of the body” comes to my mind here,

Matthew 6: 19 “Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moths and vermin destroy, and where thieves break in and steal. 20 But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where moths and vermin do not destroy, and where thieves do not break in and steal. 21 For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also. 22 “The eye is the lamp of the body. If your eyes are healthy, your whole body will be full of light. 23 But if your eyes are unhealthy, your whole body will be full of darkness. If then the light within you is darkness, how great is that darkness! 24 “No one can serve two masters. Either you will hate the one and love the other, or you will be devoted to the one and despise the other. You cannot serve both God and money.

John 6:26 Jesus answered, “Very truly I tell you, you are looking for me, not because you saw the signs I performed but because you ate the loaves and had your fill. 27 Do not work for food that spoils, but for food that endures to eternal life, which the Son of Man will give you. For on him God the Father has placed his seal of approval.”

31 “When the Son of Man comes in his glory, and all the angels with him, he will sit on his glorious throne. 32 All the nations will be gathered before him, and he will separate the people one from another as a shepherd separates the sheep from the goats. 33 He will put the sheep on his right and the goats on his left. 34 “Then the King will say to those on his right, ‘Come, you who are blessed by my Father; take your inheritance, the kingdom prepared for you since the creation of the world. 35 For I was hungry and you gave me something to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink, I was a stranger and you invited me in, 36 I needed clothes and you clothed me, I was sick and you looked after me, I was in prison and you came to visit me.’ 37 “Then the righteous will answer him, ‘Lord, when did we see you hungry and feed you, or thirsty and give you something to drink? 38 When did we see you a stranger and invite you in, or needing clothes and clothe you? 39 When did we see you sick or in prison and go to visit you?’ 40 “The King will reply, ‘Truly I tell you, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers and sisters of mine, you did for me.’ 41 “Then he will say to those on his left, ‘Depart from me, you who are cursed, into the eternal fire prepared for the devil and his angels. 42 For I was hungry and you gave me nothing to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me nothing to drink, 43 I was a stranger and you did not invite me in, I needed clothes and you did not clothe me, I was sick and in prison and you did not look after me.’ 44 “They also will answer, ‘Lord, when did we see you hungry or thirsty or a stranger or needing clothes or sick or in prison, and did not help you?’ 45 “He will reply, ‘Truly I tell you, whatever you did not do for one of the least of these, you did not do for me.’ 46 “Then they will go away to eternal punishment, but the righteous to eternal life.”

If YOU my reader can keep an open mind long enough to lovingly interact with my story, then welcome aboard. If you have an agenda, and prederimined narritive that will war against me, then fill your boots! Good discussion benefits all!

My ultimate verse here is:

Revelation 12:10 Then I heard a loud voice in heaven say:
“Now have come the salvation and the power
and the kingdom of our God,
and the authority of his Messiah.
For the accuser of our brothers and sisters,
who accuses them before our God day and night,
has been hurled down.
11 They triumphed over him
by the blood of the Lamb
and by the word of their testimony;
they did not love their lives so much
as to shrink from death.
12 Therefore rejoice, you heavens
and you who dwell in them!
But woe to the earth and the sea,
because the devil has gone down to you!
He is filled with fury,
because he knows that his time is short.”

This book then, is the word of my testimony! It is the get done or die trying attitude that I gained from my saviour, Jesus Christ, who led the way by his example! Hebrews chapters 1 and 2 explain this message of how he was made to dwell amoung us, so that nobody could ever say, “you don’t know what it’s like!!” Because he suffered, we know he showed the way is through the suffering, not trying to run from it.

Suffering in and of itself is not evidence of God’s absence, nor evidence of his impotence, nor of our weakness, or of our being faithless! Suffering is a welcome sharing in God’s call on our lives, we shrink not from death… we’re here in the fight of our lives, but not just for our own, but for our part in God’s call for all of mankind. Each of our testimonies will one day be numbered among the testimony of what in Hebrews is described as the great cloud of witnesses.

Hebrews 12:1 Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us, 2 fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of faith. For the joy set before him he endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. 3 Consider him who endured such opposition from sinners, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart.4 In your struggle against sin, you have not yet resisted to the point of shedding your blood.

Some final scriptures come to my mind, in respect to our calling in life.

This is the scripture that tells of a woman who seems to be praising Mary, the mother of Jesus, and Jesus guards against the rest of us being discouraged from ever being able to take part in the great narrative of history.

Luke 11:27 As Jesus was saying these things, a woman in the crowd called out, “Blessed is the mother who gave you birth and nursed you.” 28 He replied, “Blessed rather are those who hear the word of God and obey it.”

Jesus is included in that number. Mary also. He heard the word of the Father and obeyed it, Mary heard the word of the Father, and obeyed. We also have that same challenge, no greater, no less. But what about what Jesus said, “even greater things than these…”

John 14:12 Very truly I tell you, whoever believes in me will do the works I have been doing, and they will do even greater things than these, because I am going to the Father.