Well Worn Ruts
Romans 12 one and two be transformed by the renewing of your mind.
In Colossians, it talks about putting on the new man and taking off the old man. I remember how I hated that as a young man I thought how false that is. I hate that I hate it when people are putting on a show there they’re dressing themselves, externally, and hiding the inside, and that’s because of my naïve day and because I was young, and I didn’t understand. Because what I now realize it is is that when you realize that you are by force of habit, the way you are in order to change the habit you have to inhabit a new habit.
So you were brought up by someone who told you the truth is what I say. It is, lived by my rules, and you were under a tyranny, and you learned don’t have feelings of your own or thoughts of your own. This isn’t a democracy. I’m in charge you do it as I say someone and so forth so no wonder you were attracted to that same sort of person in your husband and now you’re letting it happen all over again, history is repeating itself. Do you stand idly by while he abuses all those that you love without questioning and with not without reining him in why ? what are you afraid of?
And speaking of repeating history back when I frustrated the hell out of you on that vacation where we tented at Golden’s national Park… I kept telling you to come and live with me Etc because our last visit he had said that she wanted to come and live with me. You didn’t want to live with mom, I didn’t know any more back then then I do now, but at least I know this is that a young girl is fickle, women are fickle, maybe even all of us men and women are fickle for crying out loud, who the fuck cares but the fact is that you and I each of us were fickle OK so we can agree with their fickle and no, I didn’t say fuck it was a typo and yes, I could type over it, but I’ve got things to say and I don’t have time to go back for that fuck off
When I’m getting out is that that little girl who wanted to run away from mommy‘s house should’ve been told hey go back suck it up running away isn’t the answer work it out with your mother, because what you ended up doing is going back and working it out with your mother and then I tormented you that entire camping trip with come and live with me, but you were over it, so then you go back home and you’re thinking well how can I get this guy to shut up and so you solicit the help of your strong mother, who of course always overdo things and so the next thing you know, I was arrested and scared out of my freaking mind again that my life was gonna be turned upside down and I had a new baby on the way, so I said OK I’ve had enough of this and it wasn’t your tyranny that I was resisting it was your mother’s tyranny, and the fact that she used her like a club to smack me over the head is what resulted in the two of us and you know the rest is history.
And so here we are once again I’m cut off from my five grand grandchildren and my daughter because you use Clinton like a club to shut me up. He says if he got a problem talk to me and I did and guess what he hasn’t answered me ever since I told him until we settle this. I’m not seeing you with the kids and I don’t know if he’s saying well we’ll see about that cause he’s gonna wait it out because he’s good at that. He’s really good at playing this game well you know what I’m sure he’s really good at playing this game and I’m really bad at playing this game because I’m haunted.
. I had this horrible dream last night where I can’t find my truck and no matter where I go I can’t find my truck it used to be that I can’t find my bus route and I can never get back to my Bus router. I can’t board my bus. I can’t find my bus to begin my workday and now it’s I can’t find my truck and in that very strange bizarre dream. I also can’t find a bathroom because I need to go pee and my body nose don’t pee because you’ll be peeing in your bed. It knows about the split paradigm that I’m living In.
But when I woke up, I very clearly knew that I can’t find my way back to you. I can’t find my way back to the ideal that I want it to be, but you were in that dream. I actually found myself having a conversation with you and realizing I shouldn’t be saying this to Sara I need to be. I’m not allowed. We’re not allowed to talk like this.
Well, where the hell did I get that bright idea that I’m not allowed to talk to you Clinton Clinton said who is Clinton to tell me whether or not I can talk to my daughter or not he’s nobody believe me
But you, you have to watch your way out badly enough that you come out come out from wherever you are! I want you to buy a notebook and some pens and I want to hear about that teddy bear on the shelf that nobody is buying the one that made you cry, don’t worry about what it means in the deep darkness of your mind in your unconscious I want you to tell that story and I want you to tell that story to Eve because there’s something very very mysteriously deeply important about you telling that story because you need to come out of that deep dark cave that you’re in and lead your children out of that same deep, dark cave, and I’m not saying leave Clinton high and dry Clinton can stay the way he is and to his own destruction or he can say no I’m not gonna let my wife and children get away from me and he can knuckle under and start to think OK God maybe I’m not right. Maybe I’m not your very da definition of perfection. Maybe I am a hurtful human being that hurts those people that are around me. Maybe it’s significant that the one man that for how many years of you guys been married that I’ve loved you and I’ve and I’ve given myself for you and I believed in you and then all of a sudden, I’d cut myself off boy because enough’s enough I’ve done this before I’m not doing it anymore! You guys are using your children against me to knuckle me under and it’s just it doesn’t get me anywhere OK it doesn’t get me anywhere. It never got me anywhere. It just ended up with more hurt. Look at Nick. Look at Jamie. Look at Cherish look at yourself and ask yourself. Is that what you want for each one of your children because if you think the outcomes gonna be any different, then you’re a bigger fool than I realize that you are.
This is me shouting down a well.
This is me shouting at the mouth of the cave!
I had another dream last night, it’s that stupid dream where I’ve parked my truck somewhere and I don’t know how to get to it! But why do I need my truck? What’s the big deal! Well, the big deal is I wanna get back to Sara, I want to get back to where the way things absolutely we’re meant to be, that’s very different from the way. Things should be. I want to go back to weight things were meant to be and that is the daughter who loves me and the daughter that knows that I love her that Horsman that’s the one that I wanna get back to! And when I have that daughter the rest of the world will have the Sara that’s missing
////::::::::///////////
Well, where the hell did I get that bright idea that I’m not allowed to talk to you Clinton Clinton said who is Clinton to tell me whether or
Well Worn Ruts
Romans 12 one and two be transformed by the renewing of your mind.
In Colossians, it talks about putting on the new man and taking off the old man. I remember how I hated that as a young man I thought how false that is. I hate that I hate it when people are putting on a show there they’re dressing themselves, externally, and hiding the inside, and that’s because of my naïve day and because I was young, and I didn’t understand. Because what I now realize it is is that when you realize that you are by force of habit, the way you are in order to change the habit you have to inhabit a new habit.
So you were brought up by someone who told you the truth is what I say. It is, lived by my rules, and you were under a tyranny, and you learned don’t have feelings of your own or thoughts of your own. This isn’t a democracy. I’m in charge you do it as I say someone and so forth so no wonder you were attracted to that same sort of person in your husband and now you’re letting it happen all over again, history is repeating itself. Do you stand idly by while he abuses all those that you love without questioning and with not without reining him in why ? what are you afraid of?
And speaking of repeating history back when I frustrated the hell out of you on that vacation where we tented at Golden’s national Park… I kept telling you to come and live with me Etc because our last visit he had said that she wanted to come and live with me. You didn’t want to live with mom, I didn’t know any more back then then I do now, but at least I know this is that a young girl is fickle, women are fickle, maybe even all of us men and women are fickle for crying out loud, who the fuck cares but the fact is that you and I each of us were fickle OK so we can agree with their fickle and no, I didn’t say fuck it was a typo and yes, I could type over it, but I’ve got things to say and I don’t have time to go back for that fuck off
When I’m getting out is that that little girl who wanted to run away from mommy‘s house should’ve been told hey go back suck it up running away isn’t the answer work it out with your mother, because what you ended up doing is going back and working it out with your mother and then I tormented you that entire camping trip with come and live with me, but you were over it, so then you go back home and you’re thinking well how can I get this guy to shut up and so you solicit the help of your strong mother, who of course always overdo things and so the next thing you know, I was arrested and scared out of my freaking mind again that my life was gonna be turned upside down and I had a new baby on the way, so I said OK I’ve had enough of this and it wasn’t your tyranny that I was resisting it was your mother’s tyranny, and the fact that she used her like a club to smack me over the head is what resulted in the two of us and you know the rest is history.
And so here we are once again I’m cut off from my five grand grandchildren and my daughter because you use Clinton like a club to shut me up. He says if he got a problem talk to me and I did and guess what he hasn’t answered me ever since I told him until we settle this. I’m not seeing you with the kids and I don’t know if he’s saying well we’ll see about that cause he’s gonna wait it out because he’s good at that. He’s really good at playing this game well you know what I’m sure he’s really good at playing this game and I’m really bad at playing this game because I’m haunted.
. I had this horrible dream last night where I can’t find my truck and no matter where I go I can’t find my truck it used to be that I can’t find my bus route and I can never get back to my Bus router. I can’t board my bus. I can’t find my bus to begin my workday and now it’s I can’t find my truck and in that very strange bizarre dream. I also can’t find a bathroom because I need to go pee and my body nose don’t pee because you’ll be peeing in your bed. It knows about the split paradigm that I’m living In.
But when I woke up, I very clearly knew that I can’t find my way back to you. I can’t find my way back to the ideal that I want it to be, but you were in that dream. I actually found myself having a conversation with you and realizing I shouldn’t be saying this to Sara I need to be. I’m not allowed. We’re not allowed to talk like this.
Well, where the hell did I get that bright idea that I’m not allowed to talk to you Clinton Clinton said who is Clinton to tell me whether or not I can talk to my daughter or not he’s nobody believe me
But you, you have to watch your way out badly enough that you come out come out from wherever you are! I want you to buy a notebook and some pens and I want to hear about that teddy bear on the shelf that nobody is buying the one that made you cry, don’t worry about what it means in the deep darkness of your mind in your unconscious I want you to tell that story and I want you to tell that story to Eve because there’s something very very mysteriously deeply important about you telling that story because you need to come out of that deep dark cave that you’re in and lead your children out of that same deep, dark cave, and I’m not saying leave Clinton high and dry Clinton can stay the way he is and to his own destruction or he can say no I’m not gonna let my wife and children get away from me and he can knuckle under and start to think OK God maybe I’m not right. Maybe I’m not your very da definition of perfection. Maybe I am a hurtful human being that hurts those people that are around me. Maybe it’s significant that the one man that for how many years of you guys been married that I’ve loved you and I’ve and I’ve given myself for you and I believed in you and then all of a sudden, I’d cut myself off boy because enough’s enough I’ve done this before I’m not doing it anymore! You guys are using your children against me to knuckle me under and it’s just it doesn’t get me anywhere OK it doesn’t get me anywhere. It never got me anywhere. It just ended up with more hurt. Look at Nick. Look at Jamie. Look at Cherish look at yourself and ask yourself. Is that what you want for each one of your children because if you think the outcomes gonna be any different, then you’re a bigger fool than I realize that you are.
This is me shouting down a well.
This is me shouting at the mouth of the cave!
I had another dream last night, it’s that stupid dream where I’ve parked my truck somewhere and I don’t know how to get to it! But why do I need my truck? What’s the big deal! Well, the big deal is I wanna get back to Sara, I want to get back to where the way things absolutely we’re meant to be, that’s very different from the way. Things should be. I want to go back to weight things were meant to be and that is the daughter who loves me and the daughter that knows that I love her that Horsman that’s the one that I wanna get back to! And when I have that daughter the rest of the world will have the Sara that’s missing
not I can talk to my daughter or not he’s nobody believe me
But you, you have to watch your way out badly enough that you come out come out from wherever you are! I want you to buy a notebook and some pens and I want to hear about that teddy bear on the shelf that nobody is buying the one that made you cry, don’t worry about what it means in the deep darkness of your mind in your unconscious I want you to tell that story and I want you to tell that story to Eve because there’s something very very mysteriously deeply important about you telling that story because you need to come out of that deep dark cave that you’re in and lead your children out of that same deep, dark cave, and I’m not saying leave Clinton high and dry Clinton can stay the way he is and to his own destruction or he can say no I’m not gonna let my wife and children get away from me and he can knuckle under and start to think OK God maybe I’m not right. Maybe I’m not your very da definition of perfection. Maybe I am a hurtful human being that hurts those people that are around me. Maybe it’s significant that the one man that for how many years of you guys been married that I’ve loved you and I’ve and I’ve given myself for you and I believed in you and then all of a sudden, I’d cut myself off boy because enough’s enough I’ve done this before I’m not doing it anymore! You guys are using your children against me to knuckle me under and it’s just it doesn’t get me anywhere OK it doesn’t get me anywhere. It never got me anywhere. It just ended up with more hurt. Look at Nick. Look at Jamie. Look at Cherish look at yourself and ask yourself. Is that what you want for each one of your children because if you think the outcomes gonna be any different, then you’re a bigger fool than I realize that you are.
Running Down Vimy 