I desire to be cautious here. I just now saw a meme about pursuing one’s dreams. Every time I see references like this I get riled up.
Its an automatic, gut reaction. Not a chosen one, not one that I read about and bought into. I’m wondering if it’s an idea God himself planted in me, for me, or for others as well. I know it’s proving to be a good thing in me.
The main scripture that describes this is Acts 9:5-6.
“And he said, “Who are you, Lord?” And he said, “I am Jesus, whom you are persecuting. But rise and enter the city, and you will be told what you are to do.””
The context is the account of Saul, who’d been murdering and imprisoning Christians, and had just previously been knocked off his horse on his way to Damascus, by our risen Lord. Jesus Christ himself. Bringing to mind Revelation’s description in Rev chapter one.
“When I saw him, I fell at his feet as though dead. But he laid his right hand on me, saying, “Fear not, I am the first and the last, and the living one. I died, and behold I am alive forevermore, and I have the keys of Death and Hades.”
Revelation 1:17-18 ESV
It’s the Saul whom we know as the Apostle Paul, who wrote the letters that make up most of the New Testament. It wasn’t a dream that Paul received, but a calling. And that calling was no different than that of Christ himself, who was born to live and die “sold out” to the obedience that comes from faith. Jesus in John’s gospel is again and again quoted as saying that all he said and did was what his father – our Father in heaven – told him to say or do. As we read in places like John 4: what that looked like, we see that Jesus, weary from his journey, sat down to wait and rest at a well. And along came this lady。。。 afterward Jesus refers to it as doing the will of his father. He recognized the event as a God the Father sent opportunity, not a random chance. Not a thing HE did to illustrate something, not something he did in order to prove who he was 。。。
Paul’s first encounter, with Jesus – there on the road to Damascus – has some similar features. He confronts Paul – Why are you persecuting me? Now that I’m thinking about it, we read about God confronting two sinners in the garden of Eden. Genesis 3: first and foremost the sin was dealt with!
Then Paul is sent into the city. No further dialogue at that time. I’ve thought about this. Jesus had spent his time on earth training the ones who would continue on with God the Father’s business of bringing the Gospel to the world. And just before he left he passed on that commission and had then sent the Holy Spirit just as He promised. And the church was now in their hands. Jesus intervened personally to confront Paul. Visibly, Mightily, Authoritatively! Then he passed Paul on to the church! In verse 15 we read that the church also received a message. Ananias is told about Saul of Tarsus, and about his calling.
Paul is then taught by God, and sent back to the disciples, who heard the Gospel he’d received by direct revelation, and they “compared notes” and realized it was the same message they’d received. Again, the church is honoured. God’s word as originally given is honoured – it wasn’t a new message Paul received, but the mystery that had been held back until then was unveiled.
“15 But the Lord said to him, “Go, for he is a chosen instrument of mine to carry my name before the Gentiles and kings and the children of Israel.”
A very clear and powerful calling and commission, but it is all started with – and I argue – defined by “arise, go into the city, and you will be told what to do.”
To me, a dream implies that there is something I must figure out, something that I will come up with and thereby the glory will be for me. But to God alone be the glory. A dream seems mystical and vague, a calling is concrete and specific. It’s a specific way to carry out the original commission. The one Jesus came to remind us all of, the one that God describes in Genesis 3: the one that was and is Jesus himself – God’s word to the world…
“Dream” is a generalized term that any man or woman can use without referencing the origin of that dream. A “calling” at once evokes or provokes the question, who is calling?
And another verse comes into view
And between the throne and the four living creatures and among the elders I saw a Lamb standing, as though it had been slain, with seven horns and with seven eyes, which are the seven spirits of God sent out into all the earth.”
Revelation 5:6 ESV
in Revelation 5:2, we read the question, “who is worthy?”
As I continue to ponder this that is on my heart, I recall myself as a young man being called. God called me. And of preachers that stirred me up to seek that calling. Did they talk about it in terms of dream that I would then pursue? I can’t remember, but I do know that it’s been most of my life here not realizing the simplicity of the execution of one’s calling.
I wrote in my journaling over the years, and certain words stand out.
“God is my only obstacle” is one of them. I’d tried everything I could think of – until I ran out of ideas – to “make it happen” and in everything I was struck down. I reasoned within myself – since this calling is 100% surely from God, and I cannot ‘do it’ there is only one logical obstacle to the doing of it, and that is God himself. I cite Balaam’s experience told about in the book of Numbers 22:
Balaam’s calling came from God, but it originally started from man. Balak, King of Moab sent for Balaam, with the object of hiring him to curse Israel. We read about Balaam also in Jude, “Balaam’s error” at first God forbids Balaam to go, then he is allowed to go after Balak persists in his demands that Balaam do his bidding. Finally as Balaam is on his way God does an amazing thing. A humbling thing. This “seer” the one who see’s and hears what others do not, who is known for it, and as Jude seems to tell us, is known to sell this talent – a prophet for hire? – he blinds Balaam from the spirit world, and reveals it to the donkey he’s riding. And then! He opens the donkey’s moth to rebuke him! Effectively causing the donkey to be seer and prophet while Balaam is blind and insensible to God’s voice in any other form. Then God opens his eyes, and speaks directly to him, the message is to say and do only what he is told to say and do!
I let go of my calling, I let go of my dream. I left it by the side of the road and walked on. I’ve been through many things since that time. A divorce, a lifetime of pain as I’ve been separated from my children, and it’s not unlike Moses experience of being left in the wilderness. I’ve never doubted the calling, but I have doubted my worthiness. I’ve thought maybe I missed my chance, that some sin had suddenly disqualified me from continuing on to the fruition of my calling, but I’ve never doubted that calling. I’ve at times felt barren and cold to God’s presence as though he’d hidden himself from me. But at other times he’s entered into my life in power. At just the right times, at crucial times to direct me, to sustain me. And one of the casualties of this life I’ve lived is pride. I am wholly convinced that I am his, and that the work he has for me to do is his work, and that he has kept it a mystery as to exactly how it will all go down. And verses like Acts 9:5-6 sustain me.
My testimony is the path I’ve walked from Manhattan Beach camp when I received my calling to this broken down bus I’m sitting on at the side of the road.
Significantly:
“And they have conquered him by the blood of the Lamb and by the word of their testimony, for they loved not their lives even unto death.” Revelation 12:11
and sentence from my journaling:
“Your problem is simple, because the gospel is simple”
Back in my late teens and early twenties I said of Psychology and Psychiatry “it is the ministry of the religion of humanism. Secular humanism begins with, “there is no God” and the soul is undeniable. The mind remains as an argument against us being no different from the animals. So it has to be dealt with. And they still argue about it in books like “You are not your mind”
I thought at times that I was crazy for thinking such things, and have worked to accept psychology/psychiatry, but in Bonhoeffer’s “Life Together” he said the same thing。。。
Speak to me brother, sister. Speak to me Lord. Amen
